✋ How to Ask for What You Need This Summer (Even If It Feels Awkward or Selfish)

You’re mid-Zoom call, trying to focus, when your kid barrels in:

“Can you take me to the pool? Everyone’s going! I need to know NOW!”

Suddenly, your brain short-circuits. Not because you don’t want to help - but because you weren’t expecting it, you’re trying to hold your own plans together, and you feel the pressure to make a fast decision that could hijack your entire day.

Sound familiar?

This is the summer squeeze for parents - whether you work-at-home for an employer or not - we all have work we're trying to get done while home. 

It’s not the question that throws us off.

👉 It’s the urgency, the mental load math, the lack of buffer time.

If you’ve ever felt like yelling, shutting down, or saying “fine” through gritted teeth, it’s not just you. That’s your nervous system shouting,

“I’m tapped out!”

Fight. Flight. Freeze. Fawn.

These are our brain’s go-to survival modes under pressure:

• Fight – Snap or lash out

• Flight – Avoid the convo altogether

• Freeze – Shut down emotionally

• Fawn – Say yes to everything (even when it costs you)

But here’s the truth bomb:

You don’t have to choose between blowing up and burning out.

There’s a powerful middle ground:

Asking for what you need. 

Saying "no" when it's a no.

Real-life moment:

This morning, my daughter kept pressing for an answer about an outing. I could feel my brain spiraling with time pressure and her persistence. 

Instead of reacting, I took a breath and said:

“Can I have 10 minutes to think through the day and wake up a bit?”

She squeezed my shoulder.

She gave me space.

She respected my boundary—because I modeled one.

And I could give her an authentic answer instead of a snarky one.

Asking for What You Need Isn’t Selfish—It’s Skill-Building

It’s easy to forget this, especially for ADHD parents who are used to over-functioning for everyone else.

But your needs matter.

Your time matters.

And your kids can learn to honor both. Spouses too. But it starts with you. 

Here’s what helps:

✅ Say it out loud. Name what you need without apology.

✅ Use visual signals. Door open? Come on in. Door closed? Please wait.

✅ Model calm boundaries. No more guilt-fueled “yes” that feels like a “no.” If I say yes, I want to mean it—not offer a ‘no’ dressed up as a resentful yes.

"Let's practice making plans the day before or earlier (whenever possible) so that we can figure out what works for everyone. Let's check in at dinner, and definitely before 9pm."

"I have a client call at noon tomorrow, so you'll be in charge of making your own lunch. Do you need ideas?"

When you ask clearly for what you need, you’re not just protecting your energy—you’re teaching your kids how to protect theirs too.

You’re Allowed to Take Up Space

Summer often blurs the lines between work, parenting, and personal time. That doesn’t mean you have to run yourself ragged.

Set the tone for your home.

Start the conversation. "I heard that what you need is ________. What I need is ________, please."

Build a culture of mutual respect.

You don’t need permission to ask for time, space, or help.

You just need the courage to begin.

We practice skills like this in my Uniquely Wired Community - a private, small-group coaching experience. We celebrate wins, work on current struggles, learn about executive functions, and implement new tools and mindsets. It's a shame-free space for learning, growth and connection! Come try a free month - you don't have to do it alone!